I'm having a moment of silence for something very near and dear to me that is now gone for good.

Hale & Hearty Soups locations citywide have now taken Green Goddess dressing off the salad menu. Oh the humanity of it all! What am I gonna top my field greens, avocados, tofu, mushrooms, sultanas, carrots, cucumbers, bacon, mozzarella, tomatoes & corn concoctions with now?! No, I'm sorry Asian Peanuts, Southwest Chipotle or any other weird ass Iron Chef recipe you cribbed to try out on the customers just WON'T DO.

The carnivores reading this probably think I've gone off the deep end, but lemme put this in perspective for you. The chemical dependency that is Hidden Valley Ranch for the rest of the toothless yokels in America is what this creamy confection of a topping was for me. Besides, the title alone is so kitschy meets Gladiator, how could I resist? Lunch hour will never be the same again. What is we gon' do?

Bait & Switch: Passing by the Burger King on my nightly stroll to the train station, I noticed that BK's rolled out this new TENDERGRILL™ Chicken Sandwich... which to the looks of the poster is just the Chicken Whopper with a nip and tuck. Do these corporate bitches at the top think we can't figure out what's really hood? Putting grill in the name doesn't make it healthy...you're still liable to go into cardiac arrest soon after licking the traces of dijon mustard left on the wrapper.