He couldn't make himself Black. He couldn't make himself a woman. But what he could make himself a stone cold hypocrite. Son of a mill worker? Nope, a simple "son of a bitch" will suffice. It's probably obvious that I am no John Edwards fan. But the irony of him finally landing the mainstream media spotlight for his alleged baby mama drama isn't what chaps my ass. It's the unmitigated gall it took to roll the dice with the future of the Democratic Party knowing full well this time bomb was bound to detonate at any given moment. Were he the presumptive nominee today, the shock waves of this disclosure now would've been an automatic forfeit for another go round of Republican rule, especially given the history of the Clinton impeachment he had a bird's eye view for as a freshman senator in 1999. When the GOP has spent the past 7½ years bending over the American public raw, it may be wise to let rationale reign over raw ambition.

But even more pathetic than the two faces to go along with the vaunted "two Americas" line was the revisionist history from the liberal left to fluff a career corporatist who suddenly hopped onto the progressive populist bandwagon after discovering a conscience soon after exiting the Senate in '05. I remember being curled up on the sofa watching Alexandra Pelosi's Diary of a Political Tourist right before the 2004 election and thinking this guy was as deep as a kiddie pool. Co-sponsored the Iraq War Resolution, reversed his position 4 years later. Voted for No Child Left Behind, campaigned against it. Voted for the 2001 Bankruptcy Reform bill, denounced it afterward. Voted for the Patriot Act, then attacked it as if his "aye" suddenly turned into vapor. It's a given that politicians contort their positions on the issues with more flexibility than a rhythmic gymnast. But running against your entire record on the premise of a born again conversion is truly some next shit. Even worse was the fact that so many in the "reality based" blogosphere ate it up like shrimp and grits.

Voters who were hoodwinked by Edwards willfully chose to be so. A cursory glance at his legislative record shows that he didn't support the grassroots cause that he'd appropriated as his own during the campaign. Even when comparing the 2.0 update in 2008 to the 2004 beta model, it was a total split personality. Listening to his rhetoric, his appeals were tugged squarely on the heartstrings. When you look at these things combined, it's pretty obvious that he was exploiting a niche, considering the makeover he underwent once he realized his future in North Carolina circles had reached a dead end.

The core argument for Johnny Be Good's candidacy during the primaries was that he was the safe bet. The sure thing. The one you could trust. The last White guy standing. Compared to a polarizing first lady and the half Negro rookie with the weird name, Edwards was the prototypical Southern pretty boy with a beloved wife, stable of fresh faced kids, and the battle scars of a general election already under his belt.

But lo and behold, he was the riskiest choice of the three.

I guess this is the part where we all just embrace our inner Francophile and consider this a personal matter and wrinkle noses at the puritanical prudes who dare pass judgment. That is until the next Breck boy with a Dixie twang comes along to charm the pants off progressives who won't bother to read the fine print on the warning label.

Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid and Howard Dean should be kissing Barack Obama's ass from now till November 4th because they dodged a bullet here.

Labels: Elizabeth Edwards, John Edwards, politics, scandal