After the debacle served on a silver platter thanks to David Remnick & Co. with the New Yorker magazine fiasco, here comes a second round of mockery recycled as a "homage" thanks to the tone deaf crew at Harper's Bazaar. Imitation is usually the sincerest form of flattery, but this misses the mark. Badly.

The weirdness factor has less to do with Team Bizarre cashing in on the adulation via exploitation with Alexi Lubomirski's photo shoot so much as their decision to use Tyra Banks in the role of First Lady. If they decided to cast the part of Michelle Obama using a model with more in common than just being merely Black (the editors & stylists can't tell us apart), the spread could have gone a long way to further the soft power of imagery during this political season. However, by cheapening the subject with Tyra — a publicity hound who never met a gimmick she couldn't bilk for ratings — the end result falls far short of Jackie O. and into Jackée territory.

One wonders, is this because Glenda Bailey was unable to get the real thing, or because Banks wants to take America's Next Top Model to its most extreme conclusion?


Ty-Ty isn't merely content to hitch her cultural relevance on the most important election in a generation. Oh no, she goes way further than that to dispense some "judge's advice" for Mrs. Obama:

"Oh, I want her to not take herself too seriously," she says. "She'd need to know how to take a fierce picture but at the same time be able to eat fried chicken, have grease on her fingers, and be okay with getting photographed like that, too. I'd want her to feel like every child in America is hers — to have a true connection." Her expression turns serious, then she winks. "I would also want her to know how to beat her own face. That means do her own makeup. In the end, the first lady should be her man's rock and his boulder and his mountain. And she should be calling about 50 percent of the shots!"

Of course, Tyra always brings it around to talking about herself so, trapped inside her own fantasy world, we're offered these pearls of wisdom on being a commander-in-sheath:

"I'd wear a V-neck shift and a two-inch heel. Even if the president were taller, I would keep them low. Otherwise it gets a little too sexy. I mean, I was a high-fashion model, but I was also a swimsuit model and a lingerie model, so I would constantly be making sure that I wasn't looking like that." As for hair, perhaps a Jackie/Michelle-style flip? "...my question isn't to flip or not to flip. Mine would be to weave or not to weave." What would be her Secret Service acronym? She pauses, smiles broadly, and replies, "KMFA: Kiss My Fat Ass."

Dear God Almighty. We don't believe you, you need more people.

"She's not me. She doesn't have my name. She'll never have what I have. It won't be the same..." - Madonna, She's Not Me

On a brighter note, the Brangelina strategy for prime print-media real estate continues with the real McCoy gracing a newsstand near you on the current cover of Ebony looking fierce.

Labels: fashion, Michelle Obama, politics, Tyra Banks