"End of the third round
As I put the phone down
Chasing the same lines
Over the old ground
I'm pushing zero
Where is my hero?
He's out there somewhere
Left of the middle..." — Natalie Imbruglia

I knew that it was inevitable that I would be disappointed with an Obama Administration. I just didn't expect the disillusionment to set in before he was sworn in.

• Why hasn't Obama flown his campaign plane to Iraq and started bringing our troops home?
• Why hasn't Obama implemented his 10 year green energy plan yet?
• Why hasn't he still captured Osama bin Laden?
• Why hasn't he brokered a peace treaty between the Israelis and the Palestinians?
• Why hasn't he created 5 million new jobs yet?
• Why hasn't he delivered on the promise of peace, prosperity and ponies for everyone?
• Where's my goddamn 40 acres and a mule? Huh? Huh?!

Repeating "we have only one president at the time" as a stock answer is one too many dips into weak sauce to still be believable.

And what's with this crybaby nonsense that "Obama's only human"? The hell he is!

Why is widespread hunger and famine still an epidemic? Why can't he just multiply loaves and fishes until there's enough for everyone? Is he weak? Is he another one of those pinko commie cowards? Or does he just want people to go hungry? What kind of message does this send about his administration?

Why hasn't he stopped every war on the planet? Why isn't he at the Gaza Strip using his superpowers, causing tanks to fly up in the air and jets to fall out of the sky? Why don't shells crash harmlessly against an invisible wall of force that he's erected between Hamas and the IDF?

Come on, Barry! I don't want to hear any more excuses!

The Constitution clearly states that in the freakish occurrence of an African-American ever winning, his job as President-elect is to bypass all other authorities, solve the country's problems and usher in an Age of Aquarius, all before taking office under the Magical Negro amendment. The Founding Fathers were probably just fucking around, thinking it would never happen. But rules are rules and Barack Obama clearly is a failure before he gets started.

"I'm only happy when it rains
I'm only happy when it's complicated
And though I know you can't appreciate it
I'm only happy when it rains
You know I love it when the news is bad
And why it feels so good to feel so sad..." — Garbage

After the 2004 election, a Pennsylvania precinct captain commented to me that us folks on the left would rather be "right" than do what's necessary to make political progress. We revel in the beautiful loser syndrome. The collective bed wetting over every decision made post-November 4th is a classic example.

We've barely survived the worst president this side of Herbert Hoover who nearly destroyed this country with the help of his neocon accomplices, the prospect of hearing the phrase "President Sarah Palin" in the near future was defeated, significant Democratic gains were made in both the House & Senate and we've averted a clusterfuck of calamity by electing an brilliant statesman, a symbolic repudiation of anti-intellectualism and oh yeah, a history maker by virtue of being the first unpasty dude to be the nation's chief executive.

...and some people are chomping at the bit to tear him to pieces already.

At this rate, nothing less than single-payer for all, drive-thru gay marriage and a Prius in every garage by January 21st will stave off the inevitable conclusion that he was nothing but a Republican wolf in liberal clothing.

The problem with all this hyperbolic hand wringing is the zero-sum mentality in expressing dissent. No cabinet pick can be debated in terms of pros vs. cons. No policy statement has ever been decided by the poutrage peddlers to simply be skewed further than they would like in one direction, or to have excluded something they would have wanted. Nope. Legitimate beefs devolve to the point to where the only possible viewpoint not drowned out in a sea of accusations is Obama has given the finger to the left and proven himself to be nothing more than a corporate hack who spits in the faces of every right thinking progressive with utter disregard for his base, even though they singlehandedly got him elected.

I thought we would welcome the prospect of a new president being open for discussion and welcoming ideas.

This is precisely what any sane person who isn't totally corroded by cynicism would expect.

This is how democracy is supposed to function.

But after getting pummeled punch drunk in consecutive terms with abuse from the right, liberals have forgotten how to deal with holding the golden ticket. Every leak from the Hill bodes the opportunity for an overwrought reaction like a bunch of battered wives. Hence all the assumptions that because Obama has 'signaled' by appointing so and so, he has already sold us out.

Wading through the netroots nowadays requires a fifth of Jim Beam and a high tolerance for intramural insanity. Stuck in a holding position for another week but still accepting the responsibilities our current lame duck shirked months ago, to some, he isn't doing enough.

I personally want him to change my water to wine. I'll settle for an adequate merlot the first batch or two.

Blame it on the bruising campaign schedule, but I've burned through self-righteous indignation faster than Hank Paulson wasted taxpayer money. Having spent it all waiting to exhale over every minor poll fluctuation, every redundant proclamation that he couldn't "close the deal," every repetitious drumbeat of the "Bradley effect," I've hit the ceiling on outrage fatigue.

As Emma Goldman so aptly put it, "If I can't dance, I don't want to be part of your revolution." I'm all cried out. Screamed out. Keyboard warrior-ed out. You'll have to forgive me for not adhering to the hipster handbook in feeling appropriately aggrieved.

And dammit, I think a collective Electric Slide on the National Mall has been well earned. The impeachment petitions can wait.

Labels: Barack Obama, politics, progressives, rants