Nowadays you can't swing a neon dildo without knocking over 5 corporate stooges scrambling to feed at the government trough for federal assistance. First the banks needed to be rescued or else Wall Street would spontaneously combust. Or something. Then the Big Three stared down the barrel of extinction. And now the porn industry is seemingly well... fucked.

As the 2009 AVN Adult Expo opens in Las Vegas this week, Girls Gone Wild CEO Joe Francis and HUSTLER magazine publisher Larry Flynt are petitioning the newly convened 111th Congress to provide a financial bailout for the adult entertainment industry along the lines of what is being sought by the Big Three automakers, a spokesperson for Francis announced today.

Adult industry leaders Flynt and Francis sent a joint request to Congress asking for $5 billion in federal assistance, "Just to see us through hard times," Francis said. "Congress seems willing to help shore up our nation's most important businesses, we feel we deserve the same consideration. In difficult economic times, Americans turn to entertainment for relief. More and more, the kind of entertainment they turn to is adult entertainment."

And what say you, oh vigilant defender of the First Amendment?

But according to Flynt the recession has acted like a national cold shower. "People are too depressed to be sexually active," Flynt says, "This is very unhealthy as a nation. Americans can do without cars and such but they cannot do without sex."

Blame it on stiff competition or the limp economy, but the internet killed the DVD stars. So much for being too big to fail.

But you've gotta admire the chutzpah for thinking of new ways to redefine the category of publicity whore. No letting pride stand in the way of a handout or a handjob. God bless America.

Labels: adult entertainment, bailouts, political humor