Not wanting to be left out of the corporate tie-in angle to Tuesday's inauguration, Krispy Kreme is offering free doses of decadent diet breakers on January 20th to all customers.

Krispy Kreme Doughnuts, Inc. is honoring American's sense of pride and freedom of choice on Inauguration Day, by offering a free doughnut of choice to every customer on this historic day, Jan. 20. By doing so, participating Krispy Kreme stores nationwide are making an oath to tasty goodies — just another reminder of how oh-so-sweet "free" can be.

"Krispy Kreme is taking the inaugural festivities nationwide," said Ron Rupocinski, executive chef for Krispy Kreme. "We're inviting our fans in cities across the country, including Washington, D.C., to commemorate this historic day with a favorite American treat."

The Inauguration Day promotional offer is good for one doughnut of choice per customer on Jan. 20. No purchase is necessary.

No big deal, right? Wrong. Using the term "freedom of choice" is naturally a covert nod to the "immoral, far left agenda" of Obama Nation, so the American Life League has done what the lunatic fringe does best. Ever notice the people most against abortion are the people you wouldn't want to fuck in the first place? Let's take a closer examination of the faux outrage from their mouth foaming press release, shall we?

The next time you stare down a conveyor belt of slow-moving, hot, sugary glazed donuts at your local Krispy Kreme you just might be supporting President-elect Barack Obama's radical support for abortion on demand — including his sweeping promise to sign the Freedom of Choice Act as soon as he steps in the Oval Office, Jan. 20.

Come one, come all... new placenta-filled doughnuts! Nothing helps a liberal unwind from a day of fighting to restore civil liberties, establish universal healthcare, and enact global warming reversal than devouring the life source of sweet smelling infants. Life begins at confection, y'all! Sprinkles of the Anti-Christ come separately.

Wonder if going in the next morning can qualify me for a "morning after" dulce de leche.

Labels: political humor, vast right-wing conspiracy

Nowadays you can't swing a neon dildo without knocking over 5 corporate stooges scrambling to feed at the government trough for federal assistance. First the banks needed to be rescued or else Wall Street would spontaneously combust. Or something. Then the Big Three stared down the barrel of extinction. And now the porn industry is seemingly well... fucked.

As the 2009 AVN Adult Expo opens in Las Vegas this week, Girls Gone Wild CEO Joe Francis and HUSTLER magazine publisher Larry Flynt are petitioning the newly convened 111th Congress to provide a financial bailout for the adult entertainment industry along the lines of what is being sought by the Big Three automakers, a spokesperson for Francis announced today.

Adult industry leaders Flynt and Francis sent a joint request to Congress asking for $5 billion in federal assistance, "Just to see us through hard times," Francis said. "Congress seems willing to help shore up our nation's most important businesses, we feel we deserve the same consideration. In difficult economic times, Americans turn to entertainment for relief. More and more, the kind of entertainment they turn to is adult entertainment."

And what say you, oh vigilant defender of the First Amendment?

But according to Flynt the recession has acted like a national cold shower. "People are too depressed to be sexually active," Flynt says, "This is very unhealthy as a nation. Americans can do without cars and such but they cannot do without sex."

Blame it on stiff competition or the limp economy, but the internet killed the DVD stars. So much for being too big to fail.

But you've gotta admire the chutzpah for thinking of new ways to redefine the category of publicity whore. No letting pride stand in the way of a handout or a handjob. God bless America.

Labels: adult entertainment, bailouts, political humor

"If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs... you'll be a Man, my son!" - Rudyard Kipling, If, 1910.

Labels: political humor