Saturday, January 19, 2008
Beauty in the breakdown
Are you in or are you out?
Leave your things behind
'Cause it's all going off without you
Excuse me too busy you're writing a tragedy
These mess-ups you bubble-wrap
When you've no idea what you're like..." - Frou Frou, Let Go
It's been said that you should be careful what you wish for... because you just might get it. And as I tend do with most proverbs and parables, I rolled my eyes and whipped myself right back into a stubborn frenzy, high off my own ignorance. Well, one truism in life is that a hard head makes for a soft ass. And 2007 was one motherfucker of a learning curve.
I used to spend countless hours sitting at my desk gazing out at the Brooklyn Bridge, wishing I could blink twice, ending up back home in my PJ's so I could be free to bullshit online without the threat of the powers that be keeping tabs on my every move. But after getting laid off last March, turning on my laptop was the least of my worries. I had free time to burn and couldn't even wrap my brain a single coherent way to process my thoughts because I was spazzing about one million things a minute.
It became less and less about the frivolous and more and more about the factual. Couldn't risk getting sick since my health insurance went the way of the 8-track. Endless sleepless nights worrying about just how I was going to pay my damn mortgage. Being forced to sell off shit so I could keep my cable and cell phone turned on.
And as the cherry on the top of my bullshit sundae, I fell into one of the worst depressions I've ever had the misfortunes of experiencing. This wasn't something that could be remedied with a quick fix. I lost my sense of direction, my confidence and optimism became a dirty word. I felt so isolated from everything and everyone, the only thing that made sense was complete withdrawal. So, cutting off contact forced me to do some serious self-examination that's still underway. I'm not pretending to have found the fountain of truth and everything's coming up roses, but for the first time in months, I actually feel better today than I did yesterday. And damn it, that still counts for something.
So, with the calendar peeling off '07 into '08, it's not only time to turn over a new leaf mentally, but also site wise. You may notice things look a bit different here and the upgrade definitely suits my mood of out with the old, in with the new.
I know the two people who still bothered to float through the past few months are thinking, "ain't this 'bout some bullshit... look what the cat dragged in!" Yeah, the light's back on and your eyes aren't deceiving you. This is not a test of the emergency blogcast system. Instead of deeming this comeback woefully overdue, I'd like to think that I'm just fashionably late. So in the immortal words of Samantha Fox, "it's hard to keep a good woman down... but, then again, maybe that could be fun..."
Happy belated New Year, bitches.
- Michael commented at 1/21/2008 01:54:00 AM~
I completely understand what you're going through. I want to say more, but I'll save it for another time (I'll have My Life cued just for my own swan song). I wish you well. :)
- shurgood commented at 1/21/2008 10:29:00 AM~
Glad to see you back. :)
- TriniPrincess commented at 1/21/2008 11:38:00 AM~
Mike, we've got to huddle up like Voltron and vibe, man. Seriously.
shurgood, thanks for not deleting the bookmark... LOL
- Eb the Celeb commented at 1/21/2008 12:10:00 PM~
happy belated new year... my first time here but will def. be back
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