Thursday, January 05, 2006
Confessions of a teenage drama queen
Leave it to those investigative gumshoes over at Condé Nast for their dogged determination to bring forth the truth to light by any means necessary. The newest addition to their Pulitzer-worthy pieces is this month's cover story on tween queen Lindsay Lohan. As if her "shocking" confessions about eating disorders and falling under the influence of the plague that is Nicole Richie weren't enough, the photo spread is an extravagant, supposedly evocative homage to famous retro starlets. And while a hint of Lohan nippage may pitch a tent in your Dockers. the most shocking aspect of this "bombshell" is the fact that she actually admitted it at all. Of course, she's lying when she says she only used drugs "a little."
Coincidentally, hitting newsstands is the fresh-off-the-presses issue of US Weekly which details her diet and fitness regimen. And wouldn't ya know it? — So does Vanity Fair! So what's LiLo's secret for remaining as svelte as a skeleton?
- Chugging at least 8 glasses of water a day
- Limiting the coke lines to a minimum of two before midday hours
- Eat sensibly with servings of leafy green veggies and lean meats
- Purge contents of the 5 food groups immediately afterwards
- Keep Tina Fey and the rest of the SNL cast on hand for the afterschool special of an intervention
- Integrate cardio sessions daily with free weights
Of course, now that the story of Lindsay Lohan being bulimic and a coke user comes out, and everyone is happy because she's finally coming clean and taking the necessary steps to get back on track, here comes the inevitable backpeddling that she was misprinted and things were taken out of context. Typical...
Just days after the juicy tidbits of her tell-all interview to Evgenia Peretz hit the newswires, LiLo has done an about face to refute the cover feature as being full of lies, non-truths and sheer hateration since she never even told the reporter anything about drugs or an eating disorder. The magazine countered by standing pat and maintains that it has the entire interview on tape. Oooh, checkmate.
"I am appalled, simply APPALLED by this so-called 'journalism'," Lohan said.
"No, this smidge of nose candy is just for my complexion. Yeah. To minimize my pores."
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