Just Another Girl On The IRT

Freestyle musings from a pseudo-intellectual hellcat in high heels with Huxtable aspirations in a ghetto fab world. Proudly sponsored by bouts of bitchy mood swings, one too many swigs of Turning Leaf, the letters F & U and the madness that is the Rotten Apple.

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Location: Brooklyn, New York, United States

Work in progress. Neurotic. Daydream believer. Bookworm. Addicted to the arts. Stubborn. Spoiled rotten. Lefty in more ways than one. Pop culture whore. Equal opportunity hater. Kid at heart.

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Friday, November 11, 2005

Talk-a-little, pick-a-little

Now that's she hung up her diamond encrusted Miracle bra for good to focus on phase two of her career shift from catwalk strutter to aspiring media mogul, it's always heartwarming to know that eye candy like Tyra Banks can still empathize with the common woman's struggles for the perfect body.

In a show that aired on Monday, the former supermodel got a taste of what it's like on the heavier side of the spectrum as part of an undercover project which disguised her in a 350-lb. fat suit. There's nothing more comforting than making the obese feel worse by having a shapely star of Victoria's Secret go out and pretend to be fat for 1 day, only to thank her lucky stars once the cameras were off for being aesthetically blessed.

"I started walking down the street and within 10 seconds, a trio of people looked at me, snickered, looked me right in my eye and started pointing and laughing in my face," the talk-show host said. "And I had no idea it was that blatant."
You heard it here first. The overweight are specifically targeted to be made fun of... film at 11.

Elsewhere in other pathetic displays of art imitating life, author Terry McMillan decided that the gossip columns weren't sufficient to air out the dirty laundry of her marriage bustup. So, it's lights, camera and disillusioned relationship to 23 years-younger boy toy Jonathan Plummer recounted in detail on Oprah. Smart move.

Most incredulous amid the whole "he said/she said" soapdish is just how many warning signs this broad clearly bypassed before the friend of Dorothy came clean about his man-loving tendencies 3 years into the union. Among the instances that had Queer As Folk written in neon lettering:

• the fact he approached her for collateral to open a dog grooming shop
• finding gay porn DVD's in his car and while trying to believe the excuse he was sending them back home to a friend in Jamaica with a straight face
• discovering his profile posted on a gay website

Or better yet, instead of trolling for the first native dick to come her way while on vacation, she could've saved herself a shitload of heartache by just looking at this motherfucker! I mean, c'mon! With arched eyebrows, a 'do out of the Jermaine Stewart playbook and the most obvious DSL's I've ever laid my eyes on, was it that much of a stretch to figure out this guy's gayer than pink suede?!

And speaking of blatant agenda pushing in the company of Ms. Winfrey, what the world needs now is yet another dose of Beyoncé product plugging. This time around, the promotion isn't music-related but to drum up interest for Mommie Dearest's fashion line, House of Disaster Deréon. Easily the worst new celebrity vanity project since Eve's Fetish brand came and went like her last album's chart life. Horrendous designs, ill fitting cuts, recycled ideas from J.Lo's collection two seasons ago coupled with designer prices for clearance rack looks, it's all hallmarks of Mama Knowles' knack for turning haute couture into a farmer's daughter skit from Hee Haw.

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link | Shot from the lip by TriniPrincess at 9:30 PM |

Blogger Butta commented at 11/15/2005 07:11:00 PM~  

Girl, have I told you how much I love your writing yet this week? If not, I'm telling you now.

I missed Tyra's walk on the fat side but I caught both Oprah spectacles. You said old boy had DSL's! Truer words have never been spoken. And Bouncy's clothing line looked straight out of Rave. Her winter line will be on clearance in Marshalls, Ross and TJ Maxx before you know it.

Blogger Elle B. commented at 11/15/2005 08:41:00 PM~  

Why do they continue to let her mom make clothes...I guess Beyonce figures it's the only way to pay her mom back for birthing her...but really, must we all be subjected to it?

I found myself thinking the entire Terry McMillan episode, "How did you not know?" I mean when they played clips of the wedding ceremony, I could tell his arms were flinging a bit too much at his sides. Although I was dying of laughter for all of her facial expressions and when Jonathan told the story of how she said she wanted to throw the lamp at him....


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