Passes for the latest train wreck/summer reality series are now available at Terminal 1 with the premiere of Bravo's Being Bobby Brown tonight. Like a horrendous three car pileup off the BQE, you just can't help but watch at the misadventures of a washed-up celebrity still grasping for the glory days long since ticked away. And overshadowed alongside by his more famous significant other? Well, that's just Emmy-worthy television. The chance to see music's Bonnie & Clyde at their unrehearsed best is just too irresistible to pass up. To quote a kernel of wisdom from that fountain of intellect, Britney Spears, "With a taste of a poison paradise/I'm addicted to you/Don't ya know that you're toxic.."

With an opening that finds Bobby in an Atlanta restaurant chatting with two White customers who fail to recognize him and he mocks a jail pose to the punchline of "look familiar now?", it's full speed ahead into a wasteland of tabloid-ready fodder.

Although the show's title bears the namesake of the 'Kang of R(ocks) & B(lunts), the evidence is clear as to who really wears the pants in the Brown household. The role of top dog follows the pattern of their marital media coverage by shifting all attention to his wife, Whitney Houston. Let's face it, with an admitted drug problem and a more celebrated freefall from grace, she's a riveting presence on camera. And with soon-to-be catchphrases like, "hell to the NAW!," "Be me for a minute!," "We in the steam room!," & "Uh uh, you too grown for that!," it's not hard to see why. Never before has a pop diva of her stature allowed herself to be captured in such a fashion which is light years away from her carefully cultured persona. Take that, Clive Davis!

Seeing Bobby smearing Preparation H on the Samsonite-sized bags under his eyes in Billboard lingo would ship gold...but Whitney's romantic declaration of love during a candlelight dinner ("Bobby, I WILL knock the s**t outta you at this table")? Multi-plat fresh out the gate, homie.

The promo bytes promises to give a multifaceted look at someone who's not only acquainted with the wrong side of the law, but aims for the "Aww, shucks" factor by presenting him as a family man of sorts. However, for every unexpected moment of real warmth (the good-natured ribbing of his eldest daughter LaPrincia and wistful embrace of his son, namesake Bobby Jr.) there's far too many instances where Brown leapfrogs over the line of good taste (slamming the door in daughter Bobbi Kristina's face to get intimate with Mama Whit at Atl's Grand Hyatt fresh out of prison).

I'm still recovering from the sight of the most jacked-up feet to EVER be caught on film and Bobby helping Whitney's constipation out in the grossest way possible...but the burning question is: will I watch again?














Like my man Barry used to say...

Sho ya right.

Being Bobby Brown airs Thursday nights on Bravo, 10:00 p.m. EST.